3 questions to ask when feeling overwhelmed
Are you finding the juggle stressful and want to feel less overwhelmed, mama? Wishing that you can gain more energy and time rather than feeling like you are surviving day-to-day at work, at home and with the children?
First of all, I want you to honour yourself. Whether you are a SAHM, FTWM, PTWM, entrepreneur or business owner, raising children is hard work. My hope is that you can slow down and get curious to understand the reasons of feeling overwhelmed and decide possible changes that you can make within the day that you are reading this.
Secondly, let’s take a deep breath before reading on.
Done? Great! Here are 3 questions that you can ask yourself:
(1) “Have I been kind to myself?”
We all have needs - this includes:
Basic needs like food, shelter, rest
For connection & belonging to other people
For meaning and autonomy to feel that we are learning & make choices according to our beliefs and values.
For joy, leisure and fun
When there are moments that I feel overwhelmed and stressed, I like to refer to this Need List from Centre of Non-Violent Communication, which I have learnt from a workshop that I attended with Chapter Zero Singapore:
Noticing these needs allows us to be aware about what makes us alive as a person, and find out ways that we can meet these needs. Sometimes we might have constraints to meet the needs. This is an invitation for us to be creative, embrace the imperfection & celebrate the moment of flow and joy.
Here’s how you can do it :
Check in with and tune in to your needs
Ask yourself how you can plan to meet these needs
Notice what comes up for you when you think about these needs. What do you find telling yourself? Reflect about these thoughts deeper and identify if there are certain limiting beliefs that you may have or if there are creative ways/solutions to allow you to meet these needs.
Remember - done is better than perfect ;)
This is how I define mine:
My needs right now is belonging & rest.
While I cannot meet my family & friends in person now, I can schedule weekly video calls with them to chat and check-in on how they are doing.
I make sure I get the rest I deserve and need, rather than thinking about the chores or work to do all the time.
(2) "Am I putting my time & energy on the areas that matter most to me?"
We go through seasons of life when we have the time & energy in focusing on specific areas to learn, grow & contribute. Some areas include family, career/ business, health, studies, friendship. I’m a believer that we
Having clarity on your top two priorities will help you to set goals, let go of the guilt/FOMO and define boundaries that will best serve your time & energy. Make requests and ask for help from your partner, family and friends, or even paid help like childcare, babysitters, helpers if that is available to you.
Here’s how you can do it :
Define your top two priorities
Write down your goals that you want to be or experience in these two areas
Think about your current situation - what are your challenges in attaining these goal? Do you need more clarity or knowledge on how to attain your goals? What boundaries do you need to set to attain these goal? What help do I need from other people?
This is how I define mine:
Family is my top priority right now. My work is second priority.
My goal is to be a mother that is present & connected to my child.
I set clear boundaries from my work by not checking my work emails when my child is back from school so that I can fully present. I inform my team and bosses that my responses will be delayed, and ask for flexible work arrangements when my child is not well so that I can be there to comfort him.
(3) "Do I want to be in control of a person/situation?"
We sometimes can get affected & frustrated by our child's behaviours, other people's opinions about our parenting or the situations that impacts our lives individually & as a family.
In life, we can control three things in life — our actions, our words & how we handle our own emotions. Everything else is outside of our power & control. Noticing & acknowledging our feelings about things that we cannot control, we give ourselves the permission to shift our perspective about the issues that is troubling us, explore options and make informed choices.
Here’s how you can do it :
Take a moment to list down the areas that makes you often worried & stressed.
Notice the areas that you have no influence to change and think 1 - 2 ways that you can do, say or think differently about it.
Consider areas that you can outsource, do in batches or experiment to see how it works for you and your family.
This is how I define mine:
I am frustrated about my child's tantrums
I cannot stop his tantrums, but I can minimise the chances that the tantrums will happen by helping him with transitions and allowing him the space & time to express his emotions.
Mamas, you deserve to flourish. In my 1:1 coaching, I work with mamas to gain clarity on other possible stressors, thinking and beliefs that are causing them to feel overwhelm & guilt and together we co-create solutions that allow them to expand their ways of self-care & rest, protect their energy & time and set clear boundaries for themselves and the people that they interact with.
Hop on a free 30 minutes coaching call with me below, and I’ll be more than happy to chat with you and support in your journey to thriving ;)
