#3 - What exactly is Wholehearted Living?

Jan 4

Written By Ava

One of the things I love to talk about is living consciously and wholeheartedly as a mother. Some people have asked me what exactly is wholehearted living, and I thought to dedicate an episode of this podcast to talk about it.

In this solo episode, I talk about:

What exactly is wholehearted living?
Why is it relevant for mothers?
Some tips & easy ways to incorporate living wholeheartedly in our daily lives

Links related to this episode:

The animation video on Empathy that was from Brene's TED Talk can be viewed here. I love the animation and simplicity of how she explains Empathy :)
Download a visual of the 10 Guideposts of Wholehearted Living HERE
To dive into wholehearted living as a parent, I'd recommend to read the book ""Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead" by Brene Brown, which you can grab a hardcopy HERE

If you'd like to live more mindfully & consciously, join my online course - Mindful Mama Magic where you can learn practical tools that will help you shift from experiencing constant overwhelm to regaining calm during challenging moments, and enjoy motherhood & parenting more.

Be part of my newsletter community where I share exclusive resources, tips, behind-the-scenes & everything else that goes along with living wholeheartedly and experiencing the magic of peaceful parenting: https://bit.ly/3dux13o

I'll love to know your thoughts about the podcast and this episode. Connect with me on Instagram @thecuriousmomma or write to me at hello@thecuriousmomma.com

Till then, take care and remember - you are enough and keep on making magic in your own unique ways ✨

+ or you can read the transcript by clicking here

You are listening to making Mama magic with honest and authethic conversations about all things related to modern motherhood, wholehearted living and peaceful parenting. Join me and my guests in our chats about redefining motherhood and parenting in a way that focuses on purpose, peace and presence while pursuing dreams and live career and business in our unique, magical way. I am your host ever. And I am pulp moms to parent with connection and curiosity and to own their confidence in motherhood.

Hi, welcome to making Mama Magic for today's episode. I like to talk about this topic on leaving wholeheartedly. So one of the things I enough to talk about is living consciously and wholeheartedly as a murder. And some people have asked me what exactly this is about. And I thought to dedicate this episode to talk about what it is. Why is it relevant for mothers and some tips and easy ways to incorporate living wholeheartedly in our daily lives? So, first and foremost, what is wholehearted? Leaving it sounds quite a purpose for some people, and some people might be wondering what exactly is really wholehearted. I think for me is really about understanding and embracing who we are as a person, including the strength, the flaws, the failures and our imperfections. It's about telling ourselves that we are enough. And no matter how good or bad the day went at the end of the day, we can tell ourselves that we did what we can, and we have no shame or guilt on what has happened. It is about cultivating carriage compassion and connection for ourselves and consciously practising this tree disease, which is courage, compassion and connection and having the courage to know that we are not perfect and making the decisions based on our own values, setting boundaries and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable when practising self compassion or when we fall short of our own expectations and this time, wholehearted leaving.

It's a term that has been made popular by one of my favourite authors, Dr Brennan Brawl. She has wrote a series of books on topics about connection, empathy, leadership and resilience, and as part of this whole heart leaving firm, she came out with head guide posts for hearted leaving, and each pack post is like a coin with two sex. So what it is is one side it shares about what to cultivate on on the other side, it shares about what we can let go, and the reason why it's called the Gate posts. It's because practising wholehearted leaving is a conscious effort. It is a journey, and it is a practise, because what she says is wholehearted living is like the North Star. We need to be taking effort on the day to day basis or conscious basis to implement and nurture in our own lives. So that's really in essence of what wholehearted living is about. And for me, when I chance about this term, I think it really makes sense to me. I started to read Bernie Brown Books way before I became a mother, and I really like the way that she approached topics on empathy about shame. And I think I will put in the link to a YouTube video about empathy, which I really loved, and in my work previously and organisation development, leadership. We talk about empathy and we talk about putting ourselves in the shoes of other people. And there's one video that I really loved that talks about. Empathy is about sitting with people. But that aside I think now, being a mother, how do we see this whole heart leaving relevant to us? I feel that what Brennan Brow has shed about wholehearted living is truly something that mothers can be aware of and recognise that this is something that we need in our lives and the reason why I say so. It's because mothers are planners and managers, right, and we all have 24 hours in the day, and a lot of our time and energy is based on how we want to spend on different things in our life. But does it work? Family or without Children? And we have finite time and energy every day. Right and magic are time, military energy. It's a lot of effort, and it's something that we do every day, day in, day out and because we focus ourselves a lot to do things in our lives, I think it is really challenging for a lot of mothers to realise that there are things that does not serve us or bring us the energy and the passion that we need to let us up as a person, and I personally feel that it is very important for mothers to feel connect it within themselves to feel that they are fulfilled to feel that they are flourishing. And the reason why is it so, is because when we are fulfilled, we were doing things that we like. It may not be in our own work. It may not be in the things that that we are doing as a career, but we do have practises that nurtures us as a person. We do have things that we do that brings us joy and purpose and a renewed sense of energy and passion. We will be better mothers and better person overall. That's the reason why wholehearted leaving is very relevant because when we talk about the tree sees courage, compassion and connection. I think the compassion part is truly important for us as mothers in connection as well. Um, I'll talk a bit more about that in the later part of this episode, the other guidepost, and I see some of the guard post that I find super relevant as a mother

number one. It's about cultivating self compassion and letting go of perfectionism. We have first read this lying. I really felt that it is sold me I have mentioned before in some parts of previous episodes. That I am a recovering for fashion is I have been struggling with professionally since young and I always feel that I need to do better. I need two more as a person, and that was truly a struggle when I became a mother, because I want to be a good mom to my son. And I had the very high expectations of myself and also on the people, the closest people around me. So I think, does that benchmark that I always feel that I need to reach. And I struggle with that because that Benzema causes me a lot of struggles and paying. I guess so what this means this guy pulls means is it's not about being a person that you expect to be, and trying to please others is about embracing who we are as a person and you know, our strength, our shortfalls and Sarah Brady all moments. And like I mentioned earlier on being a mother, we have our own standards and expectations. Whether is it on ourselves with it on our Children or our partners or the people around us, So some people like me, we might have professionals tendencies. We feel very strongly about how people how things should be when it comes to our Children, how things should be when it comes to our homes, how things should be when we as mothers should be behaving, should be doing. And I think as much as we would love things to be going smoothly, going well with young babies and young kids and kids in January, there is never a certainty always so. I think that causes a lot of stress where we want to be the perfect mother. And because of that, a lot of people feel that when people share their opinions about our parenting and how we should do as a mother as a person, we feel that we need to give an answer that meets what they are looking helpful. We feel that we need to meet the expectation of us, and I think consciously practising wholehearted living for me has allowed me to let go of the pressure. I think a real example is I know that my house, it's messy. I have laundry that is unfolded for days and times and you know by child bring a preschooler. He is not the cleanest either. At the point of recording right now, I am heavily president and it is quite challenging for me to keep up the energy, to make the house very clean and very neat of the time. In my early days as a mother, I feel that I need to really keep the cows clean because I as a newborn right. But now I feel that my own well being and allowing myself the cold passion to know that I have limited energy every day and I choose to focus or what works best interest of my energy and my time. So it's about letting go of the shoot in our lives. And I think what the casting and ultimately tuning in back to our values and priorities, and that will allow us to make conscious decisions that is aligned to who we are and what works for us, our kids and also our family. I think every family is so unique and every family has a unique circumstances and priorities and values. What works for me may not work for other people, other kids, and I think once we realised that and once we internalise that that's the thinkable families and life, right? I think it comes to a point where I have reminded myself on that, and I have realised that, Hey, you know, I appreciate your input and I appreciate your perspective, but this is what is working for me and my family right now, and I think that is so liberating to embrace that approach and that perspective. And it's also so liberating for myself because I am clear about what I want and what I need. So that is the first guard posts.

The second guidepost is cultivating intuition and trusting faith and letting go of the need for certainty. Brilliant Ball says that intuition is not a single way of knowing it's our ability to hold space for uncertainty and our willingness to trust many ways that we have developed knowledge and insight, including instincts, experience, faith and reason so and myself a bit, uh, if for some people who are very database and evidence based driven. But I'd like to see intuition as somewhat gut feeling. So they are research that says that gut feelings are not just from the air. It's about basing on some of the data that is present in our conscious mind and unconscious mind. And there will be a reaction that you will feel in your gut feeling that you know that that is something that it's not right or it's right. And I think for me as a highly sensitive person, it has worked for me quite well. When I turn into my intuition when I have a work situation, I mean, I have had intuitive responses that I regretted that I didn't follow my gut. I also have situations as among that I do into my what I call Mother six cents, and it will start quite well. So I think sometimes, yes, intuition, gut feeling seems to be iffy, But I think sometimes it's willful data or information for us to consider and going back to this guy post. You know, we talk about letting go of certainty. I think a lot of moms work. I find it really hard in the early motherhood because we find ourselves as mothers in situation we cannot control, for example, sickness in the family. We also have our Children changing preference every nine day. Whether is it, foot prefers colour of cut preference and all. We are also always bombarded with information from various sources, which is online from well meaning people, family and friends. And I think when we have the faith to make conscious decisions based on what we believe in, we will be able to know that, Hey, I know that things are changing, but this is what we believe in as a family. And I think when we let go of all these thoughts about, I need certainty, I need debt confirmation. We might be in that rush to make decisions that might not be very alive. So the point about finding time to reconnect ourselves, we need to be conscious. And he tried to know that reconnecting ourselves and do the things that we love in order to recharge is important for us to be better person and better mothers and parents, because if not, we'll be pouring from an empty car and we make decisions that is not aligned to what we believe and one for ourselves and our families. I think as a model as a parent, when we have that trusting faith in what we believe in, and we too, into this intuition, this way of holding space for uncertainty and to know that this is something that we need to consciously practise. I think that allows us to feel more liberated in the business of our lives and really to know that we need to pause and really to be rather than keep on doing all the time in our lives.

And the third guidepost that I wanted to share that. I feel that it's so random in the Asian culture, particularly is about cultivating play and rest and letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as a self worth. So that is a delegate post. That's really striking to me when I first read it, especially the part where it says about productivity, and the reason is because I realised that I okay, cut really rest. Sometimes I feel guilty about resting, and I've noticed that a lot of people around me also do see that resting is not comfortable for them because we will brought out in the environment. Arresting is seen as lazy and resting means that you have nothing to do at that point in time, and I think productivity is seen as something that gives us worthiness. This may be within us that you know you're wanted, you're needed. You have a certain things, though you have the task to work towards. To is to go to work to us, too. But I think when we talk about play and rest, I think it's so relevant for mothers because rest is something that is, I would say, a habit rather than the, uh something that happens to us. And the reason why I say so is because if you look at the early motherhood period, rest is thought. I mean, if we have a new bond that needs to be fed every two hours or even sometimes every hour, rest can be very challenging, especially in the fourth trimester period. But I think rest as all overall. It's a conscious effort because if we take rest as a sense that we are not enough, we are not worthy. Then the question is what makes us Woody, you know, is it about keep doing and doing and doing and just having that long list of things that we need to do as a person? I think it is not the most flourishing thing to do. But what I mean is we are human beings with human doings, and when we make time to be, we mix booze for just be who we are as a person. And it ties in very nicely with play because I think kids are wonderful role models of just being in the moment play because they are immersed in the whole environment of play and the stories. And when we are in the flow of the moment, doing things that makes us refresh regenerator and recharged and reconnected with ourselves, we remind ourselves about who we are as a person and just be present and just be experiencing the moments of joy and expressing that magic in the mundane where we talk about rest. It need not to be just sleep because long sleep may not be very sensible. Too many mothers in my childhood days. So it's about number one having silk have activities that allows us to reach ready as a person and not, you know, just doing things that we need to do as a mom, as a wife, as opposed to the employee. And it can be a simple s, you know, lying down and just reading things that we love or watching our favourite shows. It could be applying a pan cream that you enjoy or having a longer than usual shower that originates you. And of course, if death not available. If you're alone, then having someone to do after the kids when you're doing this is so important. Uh, we might not have the time to go for one hour spa massage all the time. But knowing that rest is important to you flourish as a person is it's something that needs a conscious effort and play. We, as adults need place. We need to connect with our inner child and lose ourselves in the actual play. And I think the easiest way for us to start playing is to follow Charles Lee in playing with no agenda, no objectives and just being in your company and enjoying it and being in the manga and play can be also included in our daily activities, like having that playful or experimental attitude to the way that we push landing things in our lives and asking ourselves, How would I approach this if I'm having fun and you know it could be doing household. Charles playing music that you enjoy listening to a podcast about doing household Charles. Or just have big moments in the evening time when you have a newborn baby, either all the kids grumpy, you can turn on the music and just do a dance and just be happy and having fun and enjoy the moment. This is something that I feel that I can do, and I hope that that's something that you will be able to explore how that could be relevant in your own life as a model. Mhm.

So these are the three guideposts That I find is super relevant as a mother, cultivating self compassion and letting go of perfectionism, cultivating intuition and trusting faith, letting go of the need for suddenly and the last one cultivating play and rest, letting go exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self worth.

I wanted to also share some of my tips and easy ways that I feel that we can introduce wholehearted living in our own lives.

Number one. It's about letting go of expectations and need to be control. So, like I mentioned earlier, honest, we can really conference by our kids and now in their best behaviour all the time. And we cannot expect things to go well 100% well all the time. So it's about letting go of that certainty. Sometimes it's really fun to just be curious to pause and observe and see how things go and respond accordingly and be mindful of what's happening and just know this because in my own experience has allowed me to really whole space for what will be happening. And that has allowed me so much freedom in experiencing what is what is happening. And, you know, just really enjoy my kids, my family and just being there.

Number two is going with the flow, so this might be chatter jean for a professional. People like me and I think something that you can start off with is to have little pockets of time, like playing for our Children during the weekend with there's nothing schedule or do something that you enjoy that you feel that it's in a flow during times where your child is asleep. So, like for me, I recently started neither punching after a while because crafting has been something that I really enjoyed since Yeah and I think the process of creating and doing something I like to do has given me that space, too. Focus on something that I don't need to look at the clock and make sure that I was scared you all the time and without thinking about all the things I need to do as a mother and as a person or in my work. Allowing that has made me feel more fulfilled and more happy.

And Number three is about finding magic in the mundane. Whether is it dancing for kids are being silly or just being president, curious about Children's play and making household Charles fun for ourselves And, you know, with our partners and kids in the evolving our kids in the household chores in, um, the practical activities. What we call in the military approach has also allowed me to feel fun where we include our Children in the daily things in the household. It might be messy. It might be not the creators, but there's so much things that our Children learn money that they are involved in all these things because they want to be involved. They want to be part of the life at home. They want to contribute, and they want to find the sense of feeling the, uh fulfilled as well. So I think that has really made thanks so much fun. Since we have adopted this in our own family, in terms of engaging my son and since really young in assets, I believe that where we as moms are fulfilled and living wholeheartedly. We are more patient and living, and we can enjoy motherhood and parenting more. That's in essence, is really about what wholehearted leaving is about. And I do think that mothers deserve to flourish. And motherhood is not just sacrifice. And I think a lot of this portion about what living is linked to the concept of mindfulness as well and really about being mindful, being cautious and letting go off the need to be perfect.

If you like to have more support in living mindfully and consciously, I do have an online course that itself piece called mindful Mama Magic as the cost of mothers that includes tools and techniques, space or mindfulness and positive psychology. To invite more common peace in your life and be more present with a child and your loved ones, check out the link in the show notes to access to this cause and feel free to connect me questions with regards to the course.

If you'd like to further the conversation with me, do connect me at Instagram @thecuriousmomma or subscribe to my newsletter where I will share a bit more about resources relating to this topic X well And if you like to show your love for this podcast, please leave a rating on apple podcasts. This will really mean a lot to me to then take care and remember that you are enough and keep on making magic your unique way.

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