#5 - The Superpowers of Highly Sensitive Mother+ Perfect Mother Myth- With Azalia Suhaimi

Jan 25

Written By Ava

In this episode with Azalia Suhaimi, we chatted about:

What are the superpowers and challenges of being a highly sensitive mother
Experiencing the magic of mindfulness and how mindfulness has helped us to enjoy motherhood
The perfect mother myth and the importance of self-care activities to make us feel fulfilled even on busy days

Connect with Azalia at:

Her Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/azaliasuhaimi/?hl=en
Her books: https://www.azaliasuhaimi.com/shop
Her mailing list: https://azaliasuhaimi.us10.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=ab661ecf145b0c90c2501340e&id=da2b17c2cd

Like what we talked about in this podcast episode, it is important for mothers to be kind to ourselves. The Affirmation Cards for Mothers is designed by me for busy mamas like you to practice self-love and compassion so that you can find the strength & confidence to be a more loving & patient mother. Use discount code ‘10OFFCARDS’ to enjoy 10% discount for the cards from now until 28 February 2022.

Are you curious about how learning about Rupture & Repair can help you to build stronger relationship with your child? Pop in your email address HERE to be the first to know when I launch the workshop on Rupture & Repair in Summer 2022. I also share exclusive resources, tips, behind-the-scenes & everything else that goes along with living wholeheartedly and experiencing the magic of peaceful parenting through this private newsletter community.

I'll love to know your thoughts about the podcast and this episode. Connect with me on Instagram @thecuriousmomma or write to me at hello@thecuriousmomma.com

Till then, take care and remember - you are enough and keep on making magic in your own unique ways ✨

+ or you can read the transcript by clicking here

You are listening to Making Mama Magic with honest and authentic conversations about all things related to modern motherhood, wholehearted living and peaceful parenting. Join me and my guests in our chats about redefining motherhood and parenting in a way that focuses on purpose, peace and presence while pursuing dreams and live career and business in our unique, magical way. I am your host - Ava, and I empower moms to parent with connection and curiosity and to own their confidence in motherhood.

Hi, welcome to Making Mama Magic podcast. In today's episode, I chatted with Azalia Suhaimi, who is a content creator and an artist. We chatted about a lot of things in particularly, we talk about our own superpowers and challenges of being a highly sensitive mother, the magic of mindfulness and how mindfulness has had asked to enjoy motherhood. And we also talk about the perfect mother means and simple tips on feeling more fulfilled and supported as a busy mother I think this chat is really full of wonderful tips and also very honest and authentic sharing about our own challenges in motherhood. And I really hope that some of the tips that we shared will be helpful for you and will be something that you will be inspired to try in your own life. So without further ado, let's dive in.

Hi. Welcome to Making Mama Magic, Azalia. As a start for this chat, could you share more about yourself? Sure. Okay. I'm Azalia Suhaimi, people call me Azalia. I'm a poet, artist, content creator and an author. Um, I guess in a nutshell, I'm a storyteller of various mediums, and I create content about motherhood and self care. I'm a mom of two girls, so yeah, Based on my experience, this I create content, many about motherhood, And I also try to raise awareness on issues relating to maternal mental health through my art and wits. Because, yeah, maternal mental health is a cause I am passionate about because I myself have had my fair share of maternal mental health struggles. So yeah, that's me.

Okay. What inspired you to start sharing about your motherhood journey on social media like Instagram and YouTube? Mhm. So, yeah, I mentioned just now I think it all began when I went through my own struggles of the no mental health. When I had my first taste of postpartum anxiety. The stay at home mom blues. Uh, yeah. So I was I was a really overwhelmed mom. I mean, even now, every now and then I am still overwhelmed being a highly sensitive person, so that can be quite challenging. As a parent, I've had these struggles. And then I tried to find ways to solve them to be better, because at the end of the day, we want to be better than mom's. There were kids, right? So, yeah, well, I was trying to solve this. Like I wanted to feel better. I wanted to get out from the home and blues, so I started doing many things. I went to therapy. I discovered the real definition of self care. And so, yeah, I've had these all this journey, and then I just wanted to share this because I know a lot of mothers go through this as well. And since I love writing, I love creating art. And these are things I am passionate about. So, yeah, I started expressing all these things through words and art at the same time. Doing those are like self care activities for me because I get to engage in my own interest, right? So that's one way I channel my creativity. Through this end, I always hope that whatever I share could help make another mother feel less alone and give hope to them. And then I also have a YouTube channel where I share about self care tips mainly from my own experiences. So yeah, I do this hoping that it would benefit other moms as well. I said they have benefited me as well, so yeah

Yeah, it's great that you have transformed some of the struggles that you have gone through and also using your talents in writing and drawing. And I really, really love the way that you put together your content on both YouTube and also on Instagram because it's very relatable. And it's something that I feel that all mothers can resonate like some woman's about, like late night feed e and we'll daily retentions and feeling overwhelmed with all the noises from our kids. When we have to know how to manage all this overwhelmed and everything and you and I, we have something very similar wishes. We are both highly sensitive persons. High five, high five. Yes, I also have struggled so much with anxiety, mostly in my first year of motherhood, because I know crying and loud noises are my key triggers, and I have also gone low periods where I went for therapy myself as well. I've gone through situations where I also we're looking for solutions. So also through some of the things like mindfulness, that has really, really helped me in my journey so far, which also is something I'm very passionate in my own content, mindfulness and I also share with the people that are co chief as well. And I think sometimes where mothers are struggling content like yours, to make them feel that they're not alone in their struggles and hopefully through this podcast and also other content, they feel that motherhood is not just a constant struggle, like what a lot of us experience, but it really is about getting no more ourselves, getting to know our triggers. They're going to know about what we can do to make ourselves feel better. And like the thing that you share on YouTube about many self care, I think that's not something that is very powerful. It's not like self care is going for, like, a one hour massage all the time, right? Because let's be real as a mom, even when we are, like, stay at home or full time working or even part time working with always don't have that one hour to go for like such as, Wow, even going to the toilet so that can bea challenge.

Yeah, that's the thing that some of the painful parts of my journey and, you know, throughout the state, home and blues. I think there was some points where I felt like I was alone in all this because I think that everyone is doing OK and I'm the only one struggling. But sometimes when I talk to my girl friends who are also moms and yeah, we tell the truth about what's going on, all of us go through these struggles. That's the ups and downs. That's one of the main reasons as well. I wanted to share all this relatable content because I think a lot of us may feel like we're alone because on social media, sometimes you only see the good things, right? So, yeah, pretty, pretty glorified part of motherhood. I think one thing you said. That is very true is being authentic. It's like for me I feel a little bit guilty because before I become a mom, I don't know the struggles that my other friends who are moms go through like same here. I thought that they were doing OK, but it's only when I became a mom, I realised that there were a lot of things that they were struggling. But it's only when we are authentic and we shall experience. And I realised that actually they were struggling at the point. But I wasn't the best friend that the so called the friend to be for them, and I feel a bit guilty as well. But of course, like I think most of us realise only when become a mom, you know, in that sense that yeah, yeah, so we talk about highly sensitive person for you.

Of all the struggles as being a highly sensitive person, what do you think is the superpowers of being a mom that is highly sensitive? Being a highly sensitive parent is definitely really challenging. I mean, being a mom, whether you're highly sensitive, person or not, is challenging in itself, right? So And yeah, and us as a chess piece, highly sensitive person. We are so alert and attuned to all those little little things were so aware of the little changes, little noise and but, yeah, parenthood in parenthood. All these noises are not little. So I have to admit, when I entered parenthood, it's like a shock to the system as well. I'm like I got really overwhelmed. And then another part was when I transitioned from being a mom of went to mom of two kids. So well, I found that there was a really tough face for me, especially as HSP and same like you. I was, and I am still, I am always overwhelmed by noise. Um, yeah. Little noise, big noise, all all kinds of noise. And also the site of clutter. Because we're kids. Yeah. So basically, there's a lot of stimulation going on as parents, especially as HSP. So I've always felt like this is a really challenging for HSP to be parents. But over time I gradually discovered that there are also some good things about being a highly sensitive person. As a parent, like you said that we have our own superpowers, how we easily, uh, over the little things. I think while that can be really hard as a parent, that is also a strength because we can easily be more a lot of whatever that's bothering our kids, because I do notice that, like whenever me and my family are in a social event, I can easily notice whenever so something is bothering my child even when they don't openly show it. Uh, and other adults around me may not notice it, but yeah, as a HSP, we we can easily detect something is wrong that can be really uncomfortable to us sometimes. But yeah, it's also a form of superpower because from there we can cater to the needs of our Children because that's how I get to be the first one to comfort my child, because I noticed first that something was wrong. So, yeah, that's one of the superpower as a HSP. Despite all the challenges, mostly it's how attuned we are to the needs of our kids. Yeah, I agree with you in terms of the tumour, especially during the toddler years, but, uh, they can't speak what they want very clearly and you know they have a meltdown. And for us as a HSP to really be able to notice the shift and notice the change in their behaviours and mood.

I think that is one of the key strengths as a highly sensitive person, as a mother as well and some times as a baby as well, like their changes and shifts in terms of little little things. We were able to notice what has changed and in terms of supporting our children and what they need. I think that's something that may not be as easier some parents. I mean, I know that my husband sometimes that he cannot sense. As well as grandparents. Oh, yes, yeah, when when they are not just right. So, yeah, yeah, and I think supporting our children emotionally. Whether is it in baby, toddler and even beyond when they are older, we will be able to be comfortable with the conversation about different emotions because we feel very deeply as a person, right? We we feel pain when people feel pain literally sometimes, and I think that's something that is very easy for us, and it's very important for children to learn because, you know, life is not just about all the happy moments, right? It's also about moments where they struggle and moments where they feel very down and for us being able to have the conversation with them and being very comfortable we haven't considered to them and supporting where they need us to be. I think that's that's something that is very easy for us.

Yeah, throughout your experience - what makes motherhood and parenting beautiful to you? You know, to be honest, when I first entered motherhood, I felt like everyone all this while have been lying to me because, you know, we always see, like on social media. The caption is always like, "This is the most beautiful thing for me." Usually people just post it out there and they don't put it in further details. So before motherhood, those are the things that I always read. And somehow I equate that to being, like, really have anything like all rainbows and butterflies. Maybe because I'm a HSP, I tend to romanticise things as well, So yeah, so, yeah, we're always seeing thing on how people express model is something beautiful But after being a mom, I had a different perception of beauty. So So, Yeah. So parenting is challenging. So there are a lot of painful moments. There are a lot of new things that we discover about ourselves. New things we learn about ourselves, all the struggles, those sleepless nights. So a lot of painful moments. And I think it is true these all these moments or the difficulties and how we get back up from them, you know? You know how after a really tiring, sleepless night, uh, we didn't get enough sleep with your baby and so forth. But the next day, like, right after seeing a little smile from her baby or okay, Or you're getting a little pack on our on our chicks from our toddler and then we feel like that's a magical moment. I think all my days we'll know that, Yeah, those are the things that I feel magical and the beauty of motherhood. Like how we discovered about our strength, how after a night of not enough rests. But the next day our heart is still so full of love, So yeah, learning all these things, having new perceptions, learning new things about ourselves, learning this about our strength that we never knew we had. The journey is still filled with all those challenges. But there is beauty in between all of that when we rise up from there and when we get together as a family when we support each other. We also learned more things about our partners as well they learn more things about us after becoming parents. So I don't think my husband has seen me like being really angry while we were dating. So it was after motherhood he saw me like I can really yell, but But we're still there for each other. We help each other. So I think those are really beautiful and magical things about parenthood. Yeah.

What is one thing that you've learned through your motherhood that surprised yourself? I'm surprised by how amplified all these emotions can be because, I mean, we already HSP for one, so we feel things deeply, but yeah, After being a mom, I realised that we will have a lot of places in our hearts to love. Also, I I am surprised by how intense my emotions can be because I think it was after I had postpartum anxiety or depression, I think I have both at the same time. I also developed rage. I was surprised by how intense my anger could be, how I could get angry towards someone I really love. I also realised that other feelings also are now more intense as a mom. So yeah, I love more. I get set over the little things Sometimes in one day I can experience all sorts of emotions. When we wake up, we can be happy. And then within a few minutes suddenly were like so many. And after that, we're okay again. I think we didn't want it. That's like a roller coaster of really intense emotions. So, yeah, those are the things I'm really surprised and yeah.

Weah, I remember when I first heard my baby cry really loudly to my ear. I was really shocked, like there's like, a shock to my system that I really wanted to shout him, and honestly, I did a few times, but then it takes a little bit practise to have that pause in my system. Just try to not respond in that moment and It takes a lot of practise for me. So and and I think that's one of the things that mindfulness has really helped me to notice and not react to the situation for you.

What has helped because of managing the anxiety and the rage so far? You mentioned mindfulness and, yeah, same here. Mindfulness is something I discovered and started to learn after going to therapy. Yeah, it's difficult. It's quite a practise trying to not react at the woman because I have always been reactive person. Apart from that, I also try to fill up my cup with mainly self care in terms of just the little things, like every day, I ensure that I have, at least something that feels up my cup, something that makes me happy. I need to make sure that it's consistent. That's why I had that video in YouTube on five minutes of self care, because even five minutes per day, five minutes at the moment at a time is good enough instead of totally neglecting ourselves and our interests, for example, so because because I remember when I had only one child, I was the first time mom. I was excited, overwhelmed, and I gradually forgot my own interest during that time because because I was so busy trying to learn about all these things about modern who I was so excited and it was all about my child. I guess I have forgotten about myself and my needs. I started despising being a mom. There was something that shocked me as well that I could get to that point. So it was after that that I began my journey of self care when I started being more consistent of including at least a few minutes of self care activities for myself. A few minutes of doing something for me because consistency is more important than perfection, right? So that definitely helps, because that's filling up our cups. So that helps to reduce the urge to, you know, to want to get easily angry or anxious over the little things. So, yeah, self care.

Yeah, I think, because a lot of moms but there are new moms. They're very anxious about being a good mom, being the perfect mom, and we we have that perception that as long as we get the baby fed, slept and you know the basic needs met. She'll be okay. But of course, babies are unique beings, and sometimes we forgot our sense of identity, and we forget our needs as well. So I think it's important for mothers to feel fulfilled and feel that they are still a person we our own interests and needs. And it's not selfish to pursue our own passions and interests. Like what you say it feels our cups. It makes us be a better person and be a better mother. Be a better wife and partner because we are fulfilled. We feel that we can be more patient. We can be more loving. So I love it that you put it in a way that self care can be as short as five minutes. And I think it all depends on our own interests, right? Like for you, your instagram and your content that you share but writing and drawing your supporting mouth. But it's also your form of self care. Yeah, yeah, like like for other moms. It could be, you know, even though the kids are around, they can do a quick YouTube session of exercise and yoga. All these are very quick things, or even as things like putting a very nice hand cream or like we said And you know, just all these things are just like, very comfortable and very satisfying to us and in the midst of being busy and everything is important to remind ourselves that we can pamper ourselves in the ways that we love.

Yeah, I think it's so important to be kind to ourselves because because I think when I noticed that I wasn't being kind to myself, I mean, not just in the sense that I didn't do those activities of self care, but also whenever there was any bad mommy moments, like after a moment of yelling to my child, I tend to think the worst. I would think that I'm a bad mom. I have failed. I can do this. So I wasn't being kind to myself. So I guess another form of self care or self love is being kind to ourselves. And I think that is so important as a mother. Yeah, I think sometimes we can to feel like once we do the mistake or we feel like we are not meeting the standards as a mother, But I think I think the great thing about kids is that they don't hold grudges. Yeah, that's why they really love us a lot. And Number two, there's there's no one solo incident that is really like break the relationship and the bond. In the programme that I attended and also I'm a certified trainer, Circle of Security - there is this term called Rupture and Repair. So basically, it's like if you rupture a situation, it is important to know what are the things to repair the relationship, like sayibf sorry to child if let's say that things have happened, but you couldn't manage the situation and also being authentic to the child that, you know, "mama had a bad day" and, you know, we talk about feelings. Actually, I wasn't able to manage my emotions "I was feeling very angry, but Mama still love you". You know the kind of thing. So it's about this little actions to let them know that the relationship is still there. It's not the end, so really showing our kindness to ourselves that okay, it's not like the end of the world that self love is very important to remind myself that. Okay, I'm not perfect, right? I'm not perfect human. Not perfect mother. But I can be authentic to my own child. And yeah, I just really being just not so harsh on yourself, in a sense, Yeah.

So how do you think mothers in this modern age can enjoying motherhood better? I think that we mentioned earlier on being kind to ourselves, and I guess we need to also change this mindset that in motherhood we need to sacrifice everything, just, you know, just to give her best for her children. Yeah, I mean, yes, we are constantly trying to be better and wanting to give the best for our children. But it doesn't mean that we are sacrificing everything and because I think we have this perception that sacrifice means put everyone else first before ourselves. And that's why I guess some of us may feel guilty when it comes to self care. And some of us are afraid to ask for help. Yes, mothers are amazing, but we are also human. We need breaks. We have our ups and downs. And so we need to have that shift in mindset and remember that it's okay to have all these ups and downs and yeah, that we are also human when there's nothing wrong with taking a break. Even I myself at the beginning, I felt shy to ask for help because I think that my mom, I'm supposed to be able to do this right. I guess that's the thing we have been fed with the media we grew up with. We always see all these images of strong, compassionate models like "yeah, she's able to do it all. She's really patient" and seeing all that, whenever I feel like I'm breaking down or I can do it or whenever I am slowly losing patience, I immediately feel like I'm a bad mom, but as a matter of fact, all of us, we are humans and we have these moments so it doesn't make us a bad mom. So with this change in perception, would help us be more accepting of all this and know that it's okay and would and I would gradually help us enjoy motherhood better because because otherwise, if we keep on thinking we're not doing the right thing, I guess that's how we, you know we're being has to ourselves. So we don't enjoy motherhood because we keep on judging ourselves. So, yeah, that's one thing - self kindness, changing that mindset and then definitely do not be afraid to ask for help. So the thing that is so so important to enjoy parenting help in in any form. So some of us may be lucky we have a standard family nearby so that that form of health, but I guess help in any other way, don't be afraid to call a babysitter or to call a friend to cry out to get support. It's also important to normalise that we have all these moments where we are not okay and we can get back up with each other support that I mentioned a little self care that definitely has help me enjoy my little better and also, like you mentioned mindfulness and yeah, mindfulness is definitely like a game changer for me as well. After discovering about mindfulness, I had that shift in perception and how I go about my day to day as a whole mom or stay at home mom because otherwise I used to feel like it's another boring day with the same things through the same chores. And when we are with our kids all day playing, it can get boring. I mean, we will feel guilty saying it, but yeah, doing the same thing every day. You can get boring. Yeah, mindfulness, like, you know, being present, looking at things with a new set of eyes and looking at things from the perspective of our children. When we are more present with our children, we truly listen to our children's conversations in how they look at things, and that helps a lot. I started doing that, and that has helped me enjoy my supposedly they to the boring, mundane routines a bit better. So I started viewing things differently. And you're giving ourselves the permission to let go this need of one thing to be perfect - of want to keep the house clean, wanting tofinish out the laundry, want to give our kids healthy meals, but we can't do it all. We're human, So yeah, we need to give ourselves the permission to be human. Letting go is also something that has read me has made me feel so much better and in going through the day today as a mom. So yeah, a lot of things.

I love that you mentioned about letting go because there was something I struggled as well because, like like as mom, I feel that I need to make sure the house is clean, laundry is folded and everything, and it's hard to be always constant clean, right, because I mean, now I have one now and I'm pregnant withnumber two, but I can imagine with number two coming it's gonna be harder for me. But this is about recognising that we are not superwoman, right? So it's really about knowing what's important to us. And I think like what you say being present and being with our children. And I love that you mentioned about seeing in our child's perspective because of its just amazing right. It's like I feel that sometimes seeing my child playing and being immersed in his play and look at how he creates stories from all these play based on what he thinks and based on how you observed about other people, it's it's just amazing to know how he sees things, and I think it's a way to also approach curiosity about how he relates to other people and things around him. And I think that's the point where we get to know about child as well, like what is in his or her little brain as well. These are the moments that I feel makes motherhood so beautiful. But it's only when we pause and notice moments like this that makes it really fun, enjoyable as a mother.

Yeah, yeah, and I think what helps me in getting there is letting go, because otherwise, when I'm so tied up about one thing to do this, do that for laundry and what not I wouldn't be present. So yeah, in those moments, I would usually be, There are a million things on my mind, so I will be so distant and, yeah, I wouldn't notice all these little things, the magic behind our children's curiosity. So once we let go, there's a sense of freedom, and it's a nice feeling. Yeah, even if sometimes we may not be able to fully let go like what you say. There are other ways that we can ask for help and support, like, you know, if there's a babysitter like they say, or like outsourcing cleaning. You know, these are the things that we that's possible. And if it's available, then that's something that minors can reach out for. For me, I think that support system that I really value in the early days of motherhood, even until now because I'm still in touch with some of them - that is like having a group of moms around the same EDD (estimated due date). You know, we have the WhatsApp chat group and we ask things and everything like in the first few months of motherhood. That was really helpful, and I am still in contact with some of them. Like before COVID we often go out for play dates, but now we keep in contact through WhatsApp or Instagram. And because we have gone through the journey, I think it really helps to kind of understand, and we feel that connection as our kids are around the same age. So it's really helpful to care about some of the struggles we have and some of the things we want to get some tops or inputs like, for example, like potty training and all these things, right, so it's useful to exchange tips and helps us to feel that we are not learning the struggles as well.

If people are interested to connect with you and get to know your works and everything, how do they get to connect? Okay, so I am most active on Instagram as we mentioned just now - @azaliasuhaimi on instagram. So I've got all my words and art about motherhood there and then from my instagram there's a link on my bio that leads to everywhere. I'm on the internet also, I have a book "Mama, Don't Forget". The book is a collection of short, poetic reminders - very bite size because I know moms are already busy and we don't always get to read for hours. It's a really simple book with short poetic reminders to remind ourselves to be kind to ourselves, to remind ourselves that we are doing a great job as moms. I am also currently working on another book, so I will update about this on social media. I am on Instagram and then I have a Facebook page,and I've also got a mailing list where I share the people who are subscribed. My mailing list would be the first ones to find out if I have new templates and wallpapers with my art. I'm I'm hoping to come up with more prints and calendars that would be nice for moms to have in their room as reminders.

Okay, I will put all these links in the show notes for the podcast, so people who are listening, could connect with you and get to know about the exciting news that are coming. And what's the new book about - could you share more? I'm really interested to know, Because the earlier the first book "Mama, Don't Forget " is more of collection of poetry reminders right? But the new one would have more illustration, and there will be some essays and stories about really raw and relatable moments of motherhood and some longer poems as well. So it will be a mix and match of various mediums because, yeah, I mentioned earlier. I like to create in all forms, so this one will have more variety and more colours so and it will be thicker.

Okay, Yeah, Exciting for you. So looking forward to the announcement of the release of the book. And, yeah, thank you so much for being on here, Azalia. And thank you for having me. You're welcome.

So that was my chat with Azalia. I'm so excited for her on her upcoming book. And I think that book will be very useful for moms to remind themselves that they are not super mothers, and being perfect is really just a myth. And we are or striving to be better mothers, better person. Her words and wonderful drawings on the Instagram are cSuch an inspiration - so please do check it out on the show notes links that are have included in this episode. If you are interested to know more Circle of Security and also the concept of Rupture & Repair, hop over to the link where you will get the chance to know when I will be starting the workshops on Circle of Security sometime this year.

If you'd like to further the conversation with me to connect me at Instagram @thecuriousmomma or subscribe to my newsletter where I will share a bit more about resources relating to this topic, And if you'd like to show your love for this podcast, please leave a rating on Apple Podcasts. This will really mean a lot to me. Til then, take care and remember that you are enough and keep on making magic in your unique way.

Note: at this time transcripts are automated and unedited, which means errors may occur. But we hope you find them helpful!